Facing changes and uncertainties
©Angelika Schuster for Auckland Therapy Blog, 20 August 2018
Learning to adjust to change or coming to terms with the need for change
Change is inevitable and often scary
The world is constantly changing. And, so are we. The ‘call’ for change comes in many ways. And, the need for acceptance of change is inevitable, but for many scary and challenging.
Moving beyond shock and trauma
Unexpected and unforeseen events happen in life, to which we initially respond with shock and trauma. This is normal and natural. The danger is, that we remain in a state of shock and trauma and are unable to live and enjoy our lives the way we did before. Even ‘small’ events that create a sense of disturbance, can evoke fear and anxiety, and reduce our sense of freedom and ease.
Life transitions
A calling for change from deep within
Going through different stages in life, we are prompted from within to evaluate and asses our life situation. We are faced with what is experienced as a crisis. Unhappiness and a deeper sense of discontent is the beginning, followed by confusion and anxiety. This prompts the need for evaluation and making different life choices so that a new meaning of life can emerge and take shape.
Along with the need for outer change comes a deeper quest for wholeness.
Stuck-in-a-rut depression
Perhaps a sign to change outer circumstances
When we encounter a ‘stuck in a rut’ type of feeling, we also tend to feel confused, perhaps bored with the same old, same old. The energy and motivation to enjoy life is missing.
Very often, we don’t realize that this ‘stuck in a rut’ type of feeling and inertia, is the basis of depression. Or perhaps we realize that, but we don’t have the skills or support that would enable us to change the situation. Therefore we just ‘hold on’ to what we know: the familiar, often painful or uncomfortable situation.
We ask ourselves what to do about it? Carry on as usual? Seek guidance and help either by reading books, or talking to friends? Going online and searching for an answer and a way out? All of this can be helpful, but sometimes it is not enough. So, we go back in our state of feeling helpless and hopeless and saying to ourselves ‘it's just too hard to change’.
Resistance to change
We often react to the need for change with anxiety and resistance. We ‘fight’ change whether consciously or unconsciously, continuing the old pattern, living the old ways and remain depressed. We may realize that we have an inner dilemma or battle going on - 'shall I or shall I not'. This can be experienced as feeling stuck. This calls for change and personal growth so that we can feel more content and happier.
Whether we like it or not, the journey of growth and the call for wholeness is inevitable.
In the same way that evolution can’t be stopped.
Easing into change
How can you embrace change with more ‘ease’?
- A good start would be to acknowledge that I am not fine, so to speak
- Next step could be to assess what I am not content with or unhappy about
- Part of this process would be to examine the inner values and beliefs we may have adopted old beliefs from our parents as a child or the society we grew up in. We refer to these as conditioning of the ego and social conditioning.
- Evaluating whether these values and beliefs are useful and in alignment with our ‘deeper’ self, desires and longings. Many inherited values are very valuable and are still meaningful.
- Then making the changes that are required to lead a life according to our new values so that life and relationships can become meaningful and fulfilling.
Seeking help
Making these inner changes and manifesting them in outer changes is often not easily done without professional help. In the same way, coming to terms with a traumatic event can be hard to accomplish by yourself, or only with the help of the family or friends.
In the counselling/psychotherapy sessions I will assist you to:
- face the life transition or crisis more easily
- heal from a traumatic event
- adjust to the new way of life and restore trust in life itself
- explore the outmoded beliefs and constructs that hold you back
- understand and minimize your anxiety and develop courage to accomplish what you desire
- get unstuck from stuck-in-a-rut type depression
- learn skills that are required to accomplish those changes